Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
