this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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