My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
