about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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