I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
