my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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