this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
