we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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