I think I died a long time ago.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
