apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
