Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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