I want to stick my p in your. b.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
