she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
