I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
