So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
