I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
