so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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