He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
