is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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