Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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