i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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