standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
