my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
