I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
