You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize