He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
