I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
