I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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