OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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