one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
