he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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