Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
