My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
