sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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