Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
