Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
