if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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