You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
