i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
