We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
