I wannas sexs uuuuu
im drinking this country out of the recession.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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