if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
