Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
