I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
