It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
