I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
