sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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