I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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