So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
