I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
